Some years ago, there was a British comedy which aired in the U.S. called, “Are You Being Served?” It centered on the employees at an English department store. They were quite a cast of characters. Customers were greeted with the title words, “Are you being served?”

As I thought back to that show, and those words, I wondered about our congregation. Are you being served? When a hospitalization looms on the horizon, do we know about it? When a loved one passes away, are we, as a community, able to respond in some fashion? When divorce dissolves a marriage, is the congregation made into a wellspring of comfort or ignored?

Several years ago I instituted one particular response. A member of the congregation lost a parent who lived out of town. The funeral was not here in Santa Fe. Shiva was going to be observed where the parent (and more of the family) had lived. I felt, as the rabbi, cut off from the normal channels of providing comfort at a time of bereavement. Fortunately, I was able to determine where shiva would take place. I had a basket of fruit sent to the family on behalf of the Board of Temple Beth Shalom. I hoped that it would provide at least a sense of connection between the mourners and their home congregation - a tangible symbol that we had taken notice of the shadow that had fallen on the life of our friends. I attempt to do this every time that someone has to go out of town for the funeral of a close relative.

There is, however, one essential thing required for this to take place. Someone has to tell me about the bereavement and give me contact information. It goes beyond just the fruit basket. While there are many wonderful, sensitive, capable rabbis in the world, all of them can use a little help along the way. There are pointers that I can give the mourners to help them deal with the grieving process in the most effective way. Again, I can only help if I know what has happened. And please allow me to be clear, I would rather be told five times about something I already know, than not at all.

We may not be able to meet everyone’s needs to perfection, but we should be able to answer the question, “Are you being served?” in the hope of getting a positive answer. Allow us to serve you by rejoicing with you when a baby is born. Allow us to serve you by a visit that might break the monotony of a hospitalization. Allow us to serve you by forming a minyan for Kaddish so that you can move through the grieving process. Allow us to let you know that you are not alone in the world when it seems dark and isolating. These are some of the moments when we become a “Kehilla Kedusha,” a holy gathering.

B’shalom,
Rabbi Schwab